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Thread: What's your Worst or funniest coffee moment?

  1. #1
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    What's your Worst or funniest coffee moment?

    I will kick it off.

    Most people that know me personally as a bit of a coffee buff, I'm probably pale in significance to most in this forum but never the less enjoy playing with the Beans and sampling good coffee when out and about.

    Got caught off guard a couple of years ago after being invited to one of my wife's bosses houses for a feed one night. I can't say I was overly thrilled to be at their house in the first place, the meal wasn't the best but the company was worse and had me drifting off reminising in my own mind about more enjoyable times in my life, like the time I was trapped in a car following a roll over or being pinned down by gunfire for six hours in a firefight with suicidal maniacs on my final tour of duty.......anyhow, for ease of story and from here forth I will only refer to the boss and his wife as numb nutz and dragon lady.

    As I drifted in and out of consciousness almost paralysed by boredom Numb Nuts must of realised I was drifting off after dinner and sprung up out of his chair asking me as he left the room, how I liked my coffee. As the horror of his words cut the way to my brain I tried to decline the offer, however, dragon lady insisted indicating that they'd just bought a new espresso machine for just this Occassion....."ohhh Phruckkk" I though, so I first started by suggesting I make it which was quickly dismissed, so I ordered a milk drink and started to think of which window to jump out of prior to its arrival.

    Anyway, after what seemed like hours on death row and some horrendous sounds coming from the kitchen dragon lady emerged with a flat white and presented it to like it was a cup of diamonds and as she left the room my eyes darted around the room for somewhere to ditch this scalding mess of destroyed coffee extraction and before my wife could warn me, I poured the entire cup into a plant next to the lounge & immediately realised the error of my ways as this brown oozy gunk bubbled up and overflowed of the edges of the pot as it was actually a plastic plant and fake soil and before I knew it this stuff was oozing all down the sides of their lounge and onto their 1980ies shag pile carpet......

    i dont know what was worse at this point.....the smell of this crap or the death stare the wife was giving me from the other side of the room.....worse still it was only nano seconds before I heard dragon lady and numb nuts approaching, so I quickly dived towards the ground scooping up this pulsating sludge and wiping it all over my shirt and then yelling, "ohhhh no, look what Ive done" just prior to them entering the room.

    Anyway, my wife and dragon lady fussed around for a few minutes cleaning up before we excused ourselves citing my personal need to clean up at which time numb nuts apologised that none of his shirts would fit me as he was about a size 6 with an inverted chest and I wouldn't have even got one of my arms through the sleeves.

    The funny part was even my wife got the giggles on the way home and she recalled the expression on my face as i turned one of the most boring evenings in all times to a circus to say the least.

    Strangely enough, the wife seldomly takes me out for these occassions anymore, so overall, despite ruining one of my favourite shirts, it wasn't such a bad night afterall.

    Tell us about your moment.
    Andy, coffeechris, dan77 and 6 others like this.

  2. #2
    Senior Member magnafunk's Avatar
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    I wish I had a story like that, I usually just ask for tea
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  3. #3
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    Yeah I was going to suggest the same thing: "Sorry I'm a tea drinker".

    Perfect get out of jail card.
    Smee likes this.

  4. #4
    CoffeeSnobs Owner Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by herzog View Post
    Yeah I was going to suggest the same thing: "Sorry I'm a tea drinker".

    Perfect get out of jail card.
    We (Paula and I) used to think that too... until we started landing some amazing teas that also turned us into "teasnobs"... and we drink filtered tank water at home so now we are "watersnobs"... it's getting harder to pick anything "safe" when we are out.

    Great story Smee.

  5. #5
    Not a coffeeroaster fromthebeanbag's Avatar
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    That is absolute GOLD!

  6. #6
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    That is classic!!

    I have a worst experience but no humour. Probably more of a rant.

    I took my wife out for our 10th wedding anniversary earlier this year to a very expensive restaurant at the top of a very tall building in Melbourne. We had a fantastic long lunch and views over a 5 hour period of time and to finish the day I asked about their coffee. The waitress mentioned that the well known owner had their own brand and given the fact that it was $10 per cup I ordered my espresso. The cup was sat down in front of me and to my horror it read Nespresso. I thought I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and I took a sip and what do you know, it was horrendous undrinkable stuff that had the appearance of coffee but that is where the similarities started and stopped. That was a very disappointing way to finish an otherwise fantastic experience.
    Andy, shapeshifter and Smee like this.

  7. #7
    Senior Member LFM60's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Provocateur View Post

    ..............I'd also hock up a huge wad of phlegm, and lob it right into their cup. By that stage, the only thing left to do was watch them drink it.
    A requirement for employment at McDonalds, I think.............
    shapeshifter likes this.

  8. #8
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    My best "worst effort": I had explained why I tamp so precisely when using a naked p/f to a coffee fanatic friend. He didn't believe it would make much difference.

    So I put in my usual dose without tamping and pulled a shot. The stream went horizontally across the room and permanently stained a brand new "formerly white" fridge about three metres away.

    The stain still pisses me off, not worth proving the tamping point.

    TampIt
    shapeshifter, Smee and LFM60 like this.

  9. #9
    Senior Member shapeshifter's Avatar
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    Doing a 'clean me', I do it twice, the second time I wandered off to do something else.

    Next morning didn't think anything of the pf in the head, I backflush after every coffee and just thought I'd been called away to do something else, took it out made coffee. You know where this is going right? I had a laugh

    Said coffee tasted really weird, almost like it was carbonated. I changed a few things over the next two days to get it right, in the end I said it's got to be the milk, it must be off.

    None of the coffees were actually drunk, one sip and you know something wasn't right. So after two days there was enough water flushed through to be back to normal

    Fast forward a week and I am looking in the coffee accessories draw for something and see the Cafetto, suddenly brain went click! It takes about 10 backflushes to clear it all out of the system, which would pretty much account for the quantity of coffees I made over the two days.

    What a knob!
    Andy, Dimal, SniffCoffee and 2 others like this.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy View Post
    We (Paula and I) used to think that too... until we started landing some amazing teas that also turned us into "teasnobs"... and we drink filtered tank water at home so now we are "watersnobs"... it's getting harder to pick anything "safe" when we are out.

    Great story Smee.
    I will admit I've only just started venturing into tea's but I'm not too excited.

    As for water, I have cartridge filters and we're on tank water and I was mortified to see how quickly and how dirty the sediment filter are getting. I can't drink filthy town water either. Yuk.
    Andy likes this.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by fromthebeanbag View Post
    That is absolute GOLD!

    Not really my wife chastised me later.....nearly had my bean budget slashed at our next family finance meeting.


  12. #12
    Senior Member shapeshifter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dan77 View Post
    The waitress mentioned that the well known owner had their own brand and given the fact that it was $10 per cup I ordered my espresso. .
    And now you know why I never drink coffee when I'm out.

    Unless I already know who's coffee they use, or it happens to be one of the numerous cafe come roaster shops that have sprung up on every corner, I never touch their coffee, no matter what I'm told.

    Even when it has been their own beans I'm still often reluctant, as a lot of the time the people pulling the shot don't know the first thing about how to use the machines.
    dan77 likes this.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by shapeshifter View Post
    And now you know why I never drink coffee when I'm out.

    Unless I already know who's coffee they use, or it happens to be one of the numerous cafe come roaster shops that have sprung up on every corner, I never touch their coffee, no matter what I'm told.

    Even when it has been their own beans I'm still often reluctant, as a lot of the time the people pulling the shot don't know the first thing about how to use the machines.
    That is normally my rule as well but given that food was of the highest standard and attention to detail in every aspect was amazing, I thought I'd give their coffee a go.

    Lesson learnt. Next time, hip flask with cold drip.

  14. #14
    Senior Member shapeshifter's Avatar
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    Behmor Brazen - $249 - Free Freight
    Completely understandable Dan, and many people would do exactly the same, for exactly the same reasons.

    How do I know this? I've actually read, almost word for word your story numerous times in the last 6 years, get this though, probably 50% are not like us!
    That's when you know it's really really bad hahaha
    dan77 likes this.

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