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Death of 3rd wave coffee

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  • Death of 3rd wave coffee

    Are we there yet?

    Well and truly sick of Ned Kelly impersonators giving me light brown coloured shots of warm lemon juice.

    Seems like the more popular and trendy the cafe, the higher the chance of this being the experience.

    Bring back the great cafes with a good vibe and great food that serve delicious chocolatey caramel rich espresso.....

  • #2
    If my barista doesn't have tattoos and a beard what sort of quality guarantee do I have?

    Sour coffee and milk does not make for a pleasant experience.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by trentski View Post
      If my barista doesn't have tattoos and a beard what sort of quality guarantee do I have?

      Sour coffee and milk does not make for a pleasant experience.
      I thought it was the hat that enabled you to pick a good barrister.Click image for larger version

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      • #4
        Surely it's the apron...!

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        • #5
          Yep. Who had the great idea to standardise a uniform whereby you can only brew coffee if you look like you are dressed for welding a boat in drydock?

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          • #6
            Bet this one brews a fine drop of warm lemon juice:

            https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/i...ggiiHdVAhPLs2s

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            • #7
              Originally posted by K_Bean_Coffee
              Nope - the beard is more important than the hat IMHO.
              Soooo, if ya find a barista with all three, hat, beard and tattoo your on a sure thing, Right?

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              • #8
                Thank god I wear a hat at home and I have a beard but I don't have tattoos so am I able to make espresso at home??? :-0

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                • #9
                  Get a leather apron. Still iffy though you really need a tattoo or three

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                  • #10
                    Bugger, have the leather apron (welding type)

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                    • #11
                      But do you have all those, plus piercings...

                      That's the be-all, end-all...

                      Mal.

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                      • #12
                        No piecing either BUT I have had my beard since before they were cool

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                        • #13
                          I hear ya, and support you. I like comfort coffee , call me old fashioned but dark, rich, chocolate , caramel and cocoa flavour are what I look for!

                          oh, the sign of a good barista is one that wipes the bench down with the same cloth they clean the steam nozzle and portafilter basket with!!!! Deeeeelicious!!!! I see it all the time !

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Enthusiast View Post
                            the sign of a good barista is one that wipes the bench down with the same cloth they clean the steam nozzle and portafilter basket with!!!! Deeeeelicious!!!! I see it all the time !
                            This is important, sure, but I tend to also find comfort and reassurance in seeing 300 1kg bags of beans meticulously stacked like a trench along the Western Front. A cafe that goes to the trouble of keeping this amount of coffee at hand understands its customers' needs.

                            As much as I agree about the importance of a ZZ Top beard, sleeve tattoos, and a pork pie hat in delivering coffee, I wonder also about the subtle alchemy of a number of other critically important factors. The cafe must have a one word title, picked to create an intriguing sense of ambiguity: "Tender", "Muse", "Fridge" or "Cereal". The space must have exposed red bricks and Edison filament light bulbs. I'm also close to publishing a groundbreaking paper in the academic literature in relation to the new influence of New York subway tiles on cafe-based espresso production.

                            I'm sure that wooden boxes affixed to the walls in order to display various objects and ephemera are important: vintage toys, vinyl records, coffee-making equipment, box brownie cameras. Suspending things from the ceiling takes the aesthetic to another level of sophistication; Cafe de Flore like wooden chairs should be the ultimate goal.

                            Food wherever possible should be served on a wooden plank, even if it means that it is impossible to eat the cheeseburger and fries. Menus printed on distressed paper and presented on clipboards are, of course, absolutely required. The importance of language cannot be underestimated; we all know that everything should be "artisan". But the artfully ironic is where it's really happening: "a hen's egg" or "farm milk". Music ties the the whole thing together from my experience. It should be played loud enough to prevent interaction and be of a type that studies have shown fewer than 1 in 5310 people actually like.

                            Of course I could go on, but I've attempted to point out that it's overly limited to just consider the interaction between beard and tat; it's a much more complex and nuanced affair.
                            Last edited by ScottyF; 20 July 2016, 05:19 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by ScottyF View Post
                              This is important, sure, but I tend to also find comfort and reassurance in seeing 300 1kg bags of beans meticulously stacked like a trench along the Western Front. A cafe that goes to the trouble of keeping this amount of coffee at hand understands its customers' needs.

                              As much as I agree about the importance of a ZZ Top beard, sleeve tattoos, and a pork pie hat in delivering coffee, I wonder also about the subtle alchemy of a number of other critically important factors. The cafe must have a one word title, picked to create an intriguing sense of ambiguity: "Tender", "Muse", "Fridge" or "Cereal". The space must have exposed red bricks and Edison filament light bulbs. I'm also close to publishing a groundbreaking paper in the academic literature in relation to the new influence of New York subway tiles on cafe-based espresso production.

                              I'm sure that wooden boxes affixed to the walls in order to display various objects and ephemera are important: vintage toys, vinyl records, coffee-making equipment, box brownie cameras. Suspending things from the ceiling takes things to another level of sophistication; Cafe de Flore like wooden chairs should be the ultimate goal.

                              Food wherever possible should be served on a wooden plank, even if it means that it is impossible to eat the cheeseburger and fries. Menus printed on distressed paper and presented on clipboards are, of course, absolutely required. The importance of language cannot be underestimated; we all know that everything should be "artisan". But the artfully ironic is where it's really happening: "a hen's egg" or "farm milk". Music ties the the whole thing together from my experience. It should be played loud enough to prevent interaction and be of a type that studies have shown fewer than 1 in 5310 people actually like.

                              Of course I could go on, but I've attempted to point out that it's overly limited to just consider the interaction between beard and tat; it's a much more complex and nuanced affair.
                              Wish there was a like x 1000 button 😂

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