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You know you drink too much coffee when...

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  • You know you drink too much coffee when...

    You answer the door before people knock.
    Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
    You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
    You get a speeding ticket even when youre parked.
    You speed walk in your sleep.
    You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
    You havent blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
    The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
    You sleep with your eyes open.
    The only time youre standing still is during an earthquake.
    You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
    Youre the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you dont even work there.
    Youve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
    Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
    You chew on other peoples fingernails.
    Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devils blend."
    Youre so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
    You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
    The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
    You can jump-start your car without cables.
    You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize its not plugged in.
    Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
    Youre so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
    Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
    Youd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
    You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
    Youre offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
    You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
    You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
    You can jump to the moon.
    You short out motion detectors.
    Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
    You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
    You help your dog chase its tail.