Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

A humour thread

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • A humour thread



    OK, lets start a thread on jokes (in good taste please!) so here goes:

    On a typical forum, a question is posed:

    "How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?"

    The following statistics were drawn from the responses:


    1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been
    changed

    14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
    light bulb could have been changed differently

    7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

    1 to move it to the Lighting section

    2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section


    7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light
    bulbs

    5 to flame the spell checkers

    3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

    6 to argue over whether its "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another
    6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

    2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term
    is "lamp"

    15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
    bulb" is perfectly correct

    19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please
    take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

    11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
    bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

    36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
    to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for
    this technique and what brands are faulty

    7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs

    4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the
    corrected URLs

    3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to
    this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

    13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
    all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

    5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
    cannot handle the light bulb controversy

    4 to say "didnt we go through this already a short time ago?"

    13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions
    about light bulbs"

    1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
    start it all over again.


    ;D ;D

  • #2
    Re: A humour thread

    Real Newspaper Ads

    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
    8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.


    FREE PUPPIES:
    1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbors dog.


    FREE PUPPIES...
    Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
    Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.



    FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
    Looks like a rat ... been out a while.
    Better be a reward.


    COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
    Also 1 gay bull for sale.



    NORDIC TRACK
    $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.



    GEORGIA PEACHES

    California grown - 89 cents lb.


    JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
    Must sell washer and dryer $300.


    WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
    WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
    Call Stephanie.


    AND FINALLY:


    FOR SALE BY OWNER:
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes
    Excellent condition
    $1,000 or best offer
    No longer needed, got married last month.
    Wife knows everything.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: A humour thread

      Good work. Tempests post is just a perfect description of too many forums.

      Lucinda - I laughed myself silly.

      And heres my contribution:

      When the naughty corner just doesnt work anymore:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: A humour thread

        Originally posted by tempestv8 link=1177713250/0#0 date=1177713250

        On a typical forum, a question is posed:

        "How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?"
        1 forum member to accuse people who change lightbulbs of being Nazis because Nazis used lightbulbs. . .

        1 Forum member to invoke Godwins Law following the use of the word Nazi

        5 forums members to google search Godwins Law

        37 forum members to commence a flame war of bayonet vs screw-in light bulbs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: A humour thread

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihoQpbUCT9A

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: A humour thread

            1 to inform the group that the proper term is "Edison screw".

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: A humour thread

              A nun walks into Mother Superiors office and plonks down into a chair: she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

              "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

              "It was" sighed the Sister, "and I went to play golf with my brother: we try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

              "I seem to recall that" the Mother Superior agreed, "so I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

              "Far from it" snorted the Sister, "in fact, I even took the Lords name in vain today!"

              "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished "you must tell me all about it!"

              "Well, we were on the fifth tee; and this hole is a monster, Mother; 540 yard Par 5 with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green; and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And its flying straight and true; right along the line I wanted; and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

              "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother "how unfortunate! But surely that didnt make you blaspheme, Sister!"

              "No, that wasnt it" admitted Sister, "while I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

              "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother.

              "But I didnt, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister "and I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

              "So thats when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

              "Nope, that wasnt it either" cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling; and the hawk dropped him right there on the green; and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

              Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and exclaimed: "You missed the f...ing putt, didnt you?"

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: A humour thread

                Dig these old geezers - make sure you watch it right to the end
                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqfFrCUrEbY

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: A humour thread

                  ..

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: A humour thread

                    I always said that OG was an old woman ;D

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: A humour thread

                      Be careful what you wish for...

                      It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboys horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

                      The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "dont shoot - Im an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you dont shoot me, Ill give you any three wishes you want."


                      The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snakes striking range. He said, "Okay, first, Id like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, Id like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, Id like sexual equipment like this here horse Im riding."

                      The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house youll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.

                      Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "Oh my God, I was riding the mare!"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: A humour thread

                        Grandmas birthday.

                        The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldnt speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

                        After a short time on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

                        Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, they tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, youre looking good! How are they treating you?"

                        Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson...

                        "They wont let me fart. "

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: A humour thread

                          Originally posted by Thundergod link=1177713250/0#5 date=1177729810
                          1 to inform the group that the proper term is "Edison screw".
                          I was eighteen before I found out that a "Torricelli Screw" wasnt the Italian girl next door.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: A humour thread

                            I suppose it should be updated to show a Thong for 2000. ;D


                            Java "Need I say more?" phile

                            Toys! I must have new toys!!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: A humour thread

                              You forgot this one Java

                              Mal.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X