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The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

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  • The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

    The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

    Well, in the home straight and finally we have responses from the major and minor parties on the most crucial question of the election campaign:

    "What about coffee?"

    All major parties responded along with many of the minors - a big disappointment were Family First who chose to "abstain" and I reckon wed see a lot of that out of them on many issues.

    The position of Labor and the Coalition on so many issues has been very close as Rudd tries to match his wily opponent, but I am glad to say that on this crucial issue there is daylight to be seen between the dancing partners.


    Liberal Party Response

    Coffee has never been better than it is now under the Coalition. Beans have never been more plentiful, and Australian coffee drinkers have never had it so good. We are responsible for this. The minister for coffee personally oversaw the harvesting of each bean and the Treasurer has ensured the unique quality under the Howard government by feeding all coffee through the Prime Minister. This unique Kopi Howard (no, not you Kevin, sit back down please) has been the grounds of our success.

    We would also like to add that the frequent derogatory references to Cafe Latte drinkers over the last term of the government were meant in jest only.


    National Party Response

    We like tea. And there is no truth to the rumour that we paid kickbacks to Saddam in order to be able to sell Australian coffee beans to Iraq - they prefer Yemeni coffee anyway.


    Labor Response

    Whatever the Prime Minister said we can say it better. Chairman Rudd is even now gobbling down beans to commence production of Kopi Ruddy which we guarantee will be more fiscally responsible than Kopi Howard. Ours will also come with a sustainability certificate signed by Peter Garrett. We love all coffee drinkers and will ensure that fairness is returned to Australian coffee.


    The Greens Response

    The Greens see coffee as a crucial part of Australian life and we would like to see more sustainable coffee production. Every Australian should be entitled to have access to fresh coffee from organic dolphin friendly Fairly Traded beans grown in rainforests inhabited by free-range civets. Unless the civets are not indigenous to that rainforest in which case we would ensure that a full environmental program is initiated to ensure the removal of the feral civets and repopulation with indigenous species.

    We embrace diversity in drinking coffee and will not discriminate whether you prefer espresso, milk or organic soy based coffees


    Australian Democrats

    Look to be perfectly frank its highly unlikely that any of us will be here next week, this will give all of us plenty of time to really think hard about coffee - which is, after all, a very crucial issue for Australia. Weve worked hard to keep the government honest and if not for us, coffee beans would have GST applied to them. Coffee has been a core part of the Australian Democrats party in Australia and was the source of many of our better ideas. Of course it is disappointing that Meg Lees attempted to take the party in the direction of Italian roasted beans, and Natasha compounded this by trying to get us all drinking Segafredo, but we have seen the light and our support for artisan roasted specialty coffee over the last four years indicates our commitment to improving coffee for Australia.


    Pauline

    Coffee? Yes please, one flat teaspoon of Blend 43 and one sugar thanks. Oh and white - it must be white!




    Written spoken and made up in its entirety by Grendel on behalf of the Cafe Grendel appeal to please elect somebody who knows something about coffee and doesnt diss coffee drinkers.
    ;D

  • #2
    Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

    I read today that Kevin drinks tea. *shudder*

    Comment


    • #3
      Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

      Geez, last time I posted something even remotely political, yet coffee related, the thread was locked!

      http://coffeesnobs.com.au/YaBB.pl?num=1192769632

      Nice reading Grendel.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

        Ahhh I carefully skirted the issue of endorsing anyong however! Or disendorsing anyone for that matter.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

          We will await a post-election post mortem of the results from a coffee perspective Grendel

          Comment


          • #6
            Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

            http://coffeesnobs.com.au/YaBB.pl?num=1177235196

            Vote 1 CSer Andy

            Comment


            • #7
              Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

              Originally posted by Sullo link=1195561995/0#5 date=1195592825
              Vote 1 CSer Andy
              Ah, now I understand why BeanBay is tonight

              mumble, mumble, pork-barrelling, mumble.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

                Just a quick update on Grendels party platform summaries with breaking news ...

                In response to intense lobbying by the militant CSers Union, Kev has just announced at the National Press Club that subsidised cupping courses will be made available throoughout all the nations schools, constituting a core factor in Labors Coffee Education Revolution.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

                  Originally posted by grendel link=1195561995/0#0 date=1195561995
                  Written spoken and made up in its entirety by Grendel on behalf of the Cafe Grendel appeal to please elect somebody who knows something about coffee and doesnt diss coffee drinkers.
                  ;D
                  Excellently written Grendel, very funny...... ;D

                  Mal.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

                    Ta mate - I got so tired of all the usual election cr*p I felt I should add some of my own to the mix.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

                      Grendel, those politicies should appeal to the bean counters.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re:  The Cafe Grendel Election Guide

                        Well there are also a few hasbeans (Sorry Hasbean!) around this morning that might take solace in a hot flat white.

                        Comment

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