Tosser or Bully

[Andy]

Once a week I get a dose from a (typically) new member who has obviously never been wrong and then proceed to act like they are the only person in the world with often selfish or unrealistic wishes. Sometimes it's people who think they have a right to receive unlimited one on one free roasting or engineering consultation with me because they bought beans or equipment, sometimes it's someone who dislikes our few simple rules on the forum.

I've tried all sorts of methods over the years and ignoring them is often the best but sometimes I need to speak with them... and then it's often not pretty.

Here is today's interaction from Leo (not his real name) and myself (who was roasting all the orders).

Ignoring the fact that me posting the email in this thread could be viewed as bully-esk please also vote in the poll and if you feel so inclined you can post a reply to Leo's last email which I've not answered.

[Andy]

On 07/09/2013, at 3:27 PM, "Andy Freeman" wrote:

We have had a couple of complaints about your username: CremaMyPants

Please let me know what you want it changed to and I’ll do so.

Andy.


From: Leo
Sent: Sunday, 8 September 2013 1:42 PM
To: Andy Freeman
Subject: Re: CoffeeSnobs

Hello Andy,

I'm assuming you are a moderator (or similar) on the coffeesnobs forum...? Can you please introduce yourself?

May I ask what is the nature of these complaints...?

Leo


On 08/09/2013, at 1:44 PM, "Andy Freeman" wrote:

Owner.

Childish name.

I didn’t hear back from you so username changed to pants.


Andy.


From: Leo
Sent: Sunday, 8 September 2013 3:08 PM
To: Andy Freeman
Subject: Re: CoffeeSnobs

Hi again Andy,

Thankyou for identifying yourself. Sorry, I was completely unaware that when joining your forum that I was expected to respond to any email correspondence within a certain time frame - in this case under 24 hours.

I was also unaware when creating my username that some members on the forum may have their minds in the gutter. It seems it was easier for these people to jump to conclusions, seemingly about male ejaculate in this specific instance, instead of considering for a moment that I may have chosen that specific username because it described an innocent, non-sexual AND non-childish experience I once had at a CoffeeShop in the Seattle involving a close group of friends and a parrot.

Andy I'm afraid you have also deeply offended me too, and I'm not referring to how you prematurely changed my username, or how you chose not to consider my side of things. You see one meaning of the word "pants" comes from British slang which means no good, nonsense, or rubbish. Because the word "pants" by itself means absolutely nothing at all to me and most likely most people, I'm concerned that you are having a go at me in British slang.

Please consider what I have written above, and in the interest of putting this behind us and finding a compromise I ask that you rename my username to "user1". I've chosen this specific naming convention to allow for these uptight judgemental forum members small minds, and I'm sincerely hoping it doesn't offend anyone. If the above username is taken please increment the number suffix at the end of the word user until there is an available username, eg. user1, user2, user3 and so on.

PS: you might like to skip user69 if it is next on the list. Just imagine the outrage...

Leo


On 08/09/2013, at 3:43 PM, "Andy Freeman" wrote:


Sorry that you are deeply offended, I didn’t know that someone with a South Park username would be so sensitive.

Account removed.

Problem solved.

From: Leo
Sent: Sunday, 8 September 2013 4:28 PM
To: Andy Freeman
Subject: Re: CoffeeSnobs

Hello again Andy,

Apology accepted. Although, by your response I think you completely missed the point I was making, which is about CONTEXT.

Thanks for cancelling my account because that was my next request after I wasted a little more of your time, as you have done with mine over this rubbish.

As you might be able to tell I don't like bullies, which is why I've just added your domain to my proxy anonymiser so if I want to access anything on your website (including sponsors) I'll take it whenever I want, with no account or contribution to your website whatsoever. If I need an account in future I'll dial up a new email address and create one. Watch out for user69...

Lastly I'd like you leave you with this little gem. Urban dictionary suggests that the word coffee is used to describe sex, and this is from 2004! Oh deary me Andy, do you have something on your mind?... I've included a link for you - Urban Dictionary: coffee (page down a little).

Lighten up a little dude, and get a life - l ol...

Yours sincerely,
CremaMyPants.


On 08/09/2013, at 5:00 PM, "Andy Freeman" wrote:

Lighten up?
That’s pretty rich from the guy that got his knickers in a knot by something as simple as request to change his user name.

While in the urban dictionary you might want to look-up
Urban Dictionary: tosser
Urban Dictionary: wanker

Both of those terms came to mind when you sent your diatribe when all that was really needed was:

Hey Andy,
Sorry if I offended someone, it wasn’t intentional and was referring to a something that happened years ago in Seattle.
Can you change my username to: User1
Cheers,
Leo.

From: Leo
Sent: Sunday, 8 September 2013 6:22 PM
To: Andy Freeman
Subject: Re: CoffeeSnobs
Cremamypants...? For you to encourage forum members (if indeed its them and not you) to say they're offended by that username is just a bloody joke. Every day in Australia we're becoming more and more censored by babies (bullies?) like you. For the 2 uptight farts who may of complained there's maybe 20 who thought it was funny, even though I didn't mean it that way. Did you ever think about that? No, you probably just let the whingers run your website.

Do these same whingers have any issues (morally or ethically) with you owning a forum geared around peddling a drug and equipment for that drug to many members, some of which who would have chronic addictions...? Do they find it offensive...? Dickheads, l ol...

[Barry O'Speedwagon]

Wow.

Sounds like Sgt Leo.

[GregWormald]

Since Leo obviously knew that his first choice name could be misconstrued, and knew how it was misconstrued, and was likely to be misconstrued as it referred to a private piece of history, I voted for him being a tosser.

Andy, your first email was most polite and to the point. His responses were challenging from the beginning.

Greg

[Andy]

Not sure my initial post was overly polite, it was certainly succinct as I'm attempting (seemingly in vain) to deal with the problem people with minimal impact on my life. I get to the end of some days and have spent 4,5,6 hours dealing with this sort or rubbish.

Sgt Leo? I was leaning more towards Paul Hogan. ;-)

[coffeechris]

I guess you need to use some discretion Andy. With people like that averaging once or so a week I wonder how you do that. I don't think my reply to people like that would be so nice. I would be saying tosser x 10.

[Dimal]

All I can say Andy mate...

Thank God I don't have to deal with (insert your favoured euphemism) like this.

Support you 100% mate,
Mal.

[shapeshifter]

Tosser

When you open a PM it shows who it is from which includes photo and whatever name is above the photo, yours clearly states 'CoffeeSnobs Owner' which answered his question before he asked it, maybe you should have changed it to 'tosser' now that would have clearly been mind in the gutter, matched his mind in the gutter which he used to get his original name and also lets everyone else know that yes he is a tosser in every sense of the word.

[Thundergod]

I have no idea what "Leo" and his friends were doing with the parrot and I probably don't want to know.

[ajayro57]

Obviously Leo knew what his username would imply and thought it would be funny. Instead of simply complying with a polite request he decided to get all uppity. Wrong choice, pal!

[Jimmytheboot]

Voted bully for a laugh, its still a landslide victory though

Based on his first email you could have responded again before changing his name, but it would have been a waste of time as it turns he was just a tool so what do I know

[chokkidog]

110% support for you, Andy.

The person knew all about his innuendo/double entendre.
To quote from Wikipedia:

"The term sexual innuendo has acquired a specific meaning, namely that of a "risque" double entendre by playing on a possibly sexual interpretation of an otherwise innocent uttering."

And:

"A double entendre is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. Typically one of the interpretations is rather obvious whereas the other is more subtle. The more subtle of the interpretations is typically sexually suggestive. It may also convey a message that would be socially awkward, or even offensive, to state directly. (The Oxford English Dictionary describes a double entendre as being used to "convey an indelicate meaning".)"

The person is obviously articulate so there's no way they can plead innocence, I just don't buy it.

I think that, for the most part, most of the regular users of Andy's forum, realise that it is a 'community service',
provided by Andy, at his expense of time and with $help from sponsors, as an adjunct to his online coffee retailing business. Somewhere for his customers and other interested people, to share their stuff, ask questions and hang out in the ether.

I certainly respect Andy's right to run the site as he sees fit and to close the account of anyone he chooses.
Sometimes my mind boggles at his patience, tolerance and largesse.

I don't think that I could do it :-D

p.s. I never liked the name in question and thought it inappropriate, despite my social/ political point of view.

[Journeyman]

Tosser and time waster. Plus he makes it quite obvious he is well up on slang and euphemisms so he had to know the obvious interpretation - plus he's from Qld so he'd be at least familiar in passing with the Aussie vernacular.

Probably thought it was a clever name, didn't bother to look to see who was PM'ing him even though who you are was his FIRST issue, and, I'm guessing his story about coffee, Seattle and a parrot is just made up to cover up his juvenile attempt at humour.

Pity though - his posts seemed to come from an otherwise reasonable sort.

Or maybe trolls are getting smarter and realise they have to pretend to contribute before they start trouble?

[Rocky]

LOL! Thanks for sharing that amusing little interchange, Andy.
Easy for me to say as I don't have to deal with those people on a daily basis.
Anybody who posts on Forums needs to know when they were out of line and just suck it up.

[sidewayss]

With a name like "CremaMyPants", it's certainly a more offensive name compared to say "Second Crack", and surely it was designed to inflame and create controversy.
In a popular website such as this, there's always bound to be the bad, good and different amongst the 20,000 odd members (and growing).

Speaking from past experience when I had to lob a few enquiring questions towards Andy, his responses have been honest and helpful though with seemingly bluntness to his tone of reply. I have been somewhat taken aback.
I learnt later that here is someone who runs and actively involves himself in a website, roast coffee, pack and ship, sift through tons of email, dealing with itineraries (trips and events, liason with industry people and enthusiasts) throughout the year as well as undertaking the role of a family man when he's not working 7 days a week.

Over time you get to know that some people who join are just tyre kickers and stirrers who don't have a interest in coffee and they are not worth the time to deal with, hence the swift closing of their accounts so that the work of the day can be carried out.

So, for those relatively new members out there who are starting out their coffee journey, don't take Andy's seemingly "blunt" responses to heart. It is simply a direct short straightforward answer designed to be to the point and hopefully be helpful.

I am grateful over the time when I was green around the ears to the current situation where I can roast 2-3 kg a week of coffee beans as well as working in the coffee industry, partly learnt from reading the threads and posts in this website.

Thanks Andy.