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Evils of hipster cafe's.

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  • Evils of hipster cafe's.

    A lot of truth in what Bernard Salt has to say here,


    Moralisers, we need you!

    I belong to a secret society and I am looking for new recruits

    The Weekend Australian Magazine, October 15-16, 2016
    Society: Bernard Salt


    If you are under 40 and starting to read this, I politely suggest that you turn the page. There isn't anything here that will interest you. Just me rabbiting on about the old days. Bit of a yawn-fest, really ... Have they gone? Is it just you and me now? Shhh ... act natural and read this column without making a sound. Do not look up; do not make eye contact with anyone. Come close to the page. Closer!


    I belong to a secret society and I am looking for new recruits. It's a sect known as the Middle-Aged Moralisers. We in the MAM meet monthly in our members' homes in the suburbs, where we discuss ... hush ... the youth of today. Why the need for secrecy? Well, if it ever got out that middle-aged people talk about young people, all hell would break loose.
    We on the MAM membership committee have been watching you. We've seen the pursed lips, the tut-tutting, the head-shaking. We have seen the sighing, the face-palming, the eye-rolling. We think you are one of us. We know it, you know it. Come to our next meeting. You'll find it liberating to know there are others just like you.
    This week we're discussing the evils of hipster cafes. Do you know why hipster cafes have milk crates for seating? To keep baby boomers at bay. They know they can't officially ban us, so what do they do? They rig the seating so that tight baby-boomer hamstrings recoil at the prospect of positioning the buttocks below the latitude of the knees. Sitting is fine. Getting up is problematic. And doesn't the sub-40 set know it. They don't want we over-50s despoiling the authentic grooviness of their cafes. (Is groovy still a word?)
    Do you know what else hipster cafes do? With malicious aforethought, hipster proprietors deliberately design their menus with the tiniest of writing and print these same menus using a light-coloured ink on light-coloured paper. That is pure evil writ large. And then these same hipster proprietors play thumping, pumping music that reverberates off polished concrete floors so as to eliminate all hope of audible conversation. The meandering middle-aged who have naively wandered into hipster cafes are thereby reduced to pathetically lip-reading conversations, hoping to catch the odd word so as to guess the meaning of entire sentences.
    Don't get me started on the befuddlement caused by toilets with obscure signage. Is that an M or is that a W? Is that a top hat or is that a ladies' bonnet? This is a hipster cafe: they wouldn't have a top hat on the door to the men's loo. Unless, of course, they're being ironic. Maybe it is the men's. Why can't we have some light back here? Why can't we have a sign saying men and women?
    But all of this is mere ephemera. It gets worse. I have seen young people order smashed avocado with crumbled feta on five-grain toasted bread at $22 a pop and more. I can afford to eat this for lunch because I am middle-aged and have raised my family. But how can young people afford to eat like this? Shouldn't they be economising by eating at home? How often are they eating out? Twenty-two dollars several times a week could go towards a deposit on a house.
    There. I've said it. I have said what every secret middle-aged moraliser has thought but has never had the courage to verbalise. Should you disclose the contents of this conversation, I will disavow all knowledge of you and of the existence of this secret society. In fact, this conversation never took place. Goodbye.
    saltb@theaustralian.com.au"



    Love this,

    "I have seen young people order smashed avocado with crumbled feta on five-grain toasted bread at $22 a pop and more. I can afford to eat this for lunch because I am middle-aged and have raised my family. But how can young people afford to eat like this? Shouldn't they be economising by eating at home? How often are they eating out? Twenty-two dollars several times a week could go towards a deposit on a house. "
    a point I've been making for years.

    Cant afford a house but can afford two or three Cappa's a day at $5 a pop.
    Last edited by Yelta; 16 October 2016, 08:04 PM.

  • #2
    Sorry, can't afford the digital subscription to read the article you linked too. I spent it all on lattès...

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    • #3
      Originally posted by timmyjj21 View Post
      Sorry, can't afford the digital subscription to read the article you linked too. I spent it all on lattès...
      Yep just sorted that Timmy, have copied and pasted the complete article.

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      • #4
        I can't afford my internet connection, nor my smart phone on which to read the article. Please sort that for me too Yelta!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by readeral View Post
          I can't afford my internet connection, nor my smart phone on which to read the article. Please sort that for me too Yelta!
          Sorry Al, the age of miracles is well and truly past.

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          • #6
            Print and post Yelta

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            • #7
              Originally posted by trentski View Post
              Print and post Yelta
              Afternoon Trentski.

              "Print and post" am I missing something?

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              • #8
                The only thing I've found evil at hipster cafes, in Melbourne, is their use of those plastic bags to make poached eggs. Seeing poached eggs as small white smooth balls just doesn't do it for me.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Yelta View Post
                  Sorry Al, the age of miracles is well and truly past.
                  Alas. I'll have to get a better job then.

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                  • #10
                    While we're on the topic of $22 toast (seriously? shame on that hipster cafe) this arrived in my Facebook newsfeed today.

                    Click image for larger version

Name:	survey.jpg
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ID:	742773

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                    • #11
                      The guy who wrote that article just might've been a Boy George fan back in the 80's. He just might've spent a small fortune on hair, makeup and concert tickets.

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                      • #12
                        Well I'm clearly not buying enough beer by those statistics.

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                        • #13
                          I'll just leave this here I Stopped Eating Smashed Avocado And Now I Own A Castle | SBS Comedy

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by readeral View Post
                            While we're on the topic of $22 toast (seriously? shame on that hipster cafe) this arrived in my Facebook newsfeed today.

                            [ATTACH=CONFIG]14171[/ATTACH]
                            So not much had changed really.

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                            • #15
                              I read that article last weekend in the Australian. Thought it was funny, but on reflection, I reckon we should be grateful for hipster cafes. They're trying something new, trying to shake up the dreaded 'coffee lounge' wastelands of the 80s. They may fail, they may thrive, but they cater for a market and when I get to the big smoke every now and then I go to one, have a reasonable coffee and just observe where the breaking wave of cafe life is heading

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