No announcement yet.

Sunbeam EM3600 Cafe Espresso review (parody)

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Sunbeam EM3600 Cafe Espresso review (parody)

    Hey coffee fans. I'm back again with a look at the Sunbeam EM3600 espresso machine, so grab that coffee again and read up. Better yet, get a fresh cup.

    After my last attempt to make great coffee with my new Maxim CS120 grinder did'nt go so well I did a little research and found this machine should help me get the results I'm after.

    Turns out coffee from a grinder needs to go into another machine before it gets into my cup. I know that sounds crazy but my mechanic, Enzo is adamant this needs to happen. Enzo knows machines and shakes his head alot when I talk to him so I no complain.

    I'm told they used to do these in red which would have been awsome - it'd match my hot Holden Gemini. Instead I got this yucky brown thing that reminds me of my mates VH Valiant before he brush painted it matt black. Sick ride. There's an unpainted one available called the EM3800 but it costs more which is insane. Points off for having to do my own red spray paint job.

    The rest of the packing has some kids size cups (good chrissy present for the grommits), an ice-cream scoop which must be for iced coffee, 2 ceramic frizbees, one of those ear devices a doctor uses to look in ya ear-hole and a pair of eye protectors without a strap (but the holes are so small I cant see through them) Extra points for the bonus bits.

    Theres no label on the machine to say where the coffee goes in so I have to get the instructions out. What a pain so I just look at the pictures.

    When I fire it up it sounds like a machine gun and the cat almost crapped itself. So cool I had to ring my mate Baz and get him over to see. Besides I saw about needing a group head but Baz and I are prety smart so I recon we dont need a whole group and Shaz wont agree to more anyway.

    Bonus points for the noise but then he stars ripping on me because its so small.

    I tell Baz he needs to wave the silver wand and he calls me a fairy and to wave my own wand. I tell him to just do it or I'll tell Barb what he did on new years so he grabs the wand and I turn the dial. Baz screams like a girl yelling that its hot and his hand has fused to the pipe. Like a ninja I flick the dial the other way and Baz' hand gets showered in hot water. So funny! He wont be ripping on the size anymore.

    Back to the pictures...

    We eventually get the coffee packed in an eye protector and into the ear looking instrument and clip it under the shower bit. I had to use the back of the ice cream scoop to push the coffee in so they should give us a proper tool for it. Baz gets a air-hockey puck out that he nicked from Timezone 20 years ago and gives that a polish with his good hand coz he saw something on YouTube about it. I think he's tripping on painkillers. Eventually we have it slotted in and the coffee is flowing.

    It takes like 30 seconds to get through and has a weird foam thing happening so we chuck the first batch. This wont cut it so to speed the next one up I just chuck the beans in there whole. Its much faster and no weird foam but its as weak as cats pee. Baz then half fills the tank with NesCafe Blend43 and it comes out instantly. Brilliant!

    I've learnt lots with this machine. Firstly never let a doctor look in your ear incase he drinks coffee with his instruments. Second is always get a mate to play with anything new coffee related coz they can kill ya.

    I give this 4 ye olde look wooden box hand powered nut grinders on the Coffee Bogan scale.

    Next I might review some beans or get a bean roaster and sell my own down the pub. Beans are hella-cheap at the fruit and veg shop but done for coffee cost heaps. Catch ya for the next review.