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Thread: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

  1. #1
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    You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Gene Cafe Coffee Roaster $850 - Free Beans Free Freight
    I was sent this link containing some "humourous criteria" to determine my coffee addiction:

    http://www.koffeekorner.com/toomuchcoffee.htm

    That made me think about what real coffee snobs would come up with to describe their vocation. ::)

    So, bring in your contribution and help a noob: you know you are (became) a coffee snob when...

  2. #2
    Senior Member Rocky's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    You decide which work meetings you will attend based on what sort of coffee they serve.

    You take so long checking out the coffee shops in the shopping centres that its lunch time before you get your morning tea.

    You have an uncontrollable urge to hang over the counter and watch how the Barista makes your coffee.

  3. #3
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    what you order is never a standard listed coffee item

    youve driven/walked past 10 coffee shops to get to a place that can make it 80% as good as you do

    you get excited and then disappointed at every fruit and veg sale on green beans

    chaff from your beans doesnt garner an automatic laughing response anymore

  4. #4
    A_M
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Coffee is preferred over stimulating personal contact, with the gender of your choice ;D

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Your wife says "Oh, theres a new little coffee hole opened in Minimine St" and you nearly fall out of the computer chair spinning around....

    The amount of beans bought is inversely proportional to the amount roasted

  6. #6
    Senior Member Luke_G's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    You know your a coffee snob when:

    * You cringe at the thought of instant coffee.

    *You HAVE to take the day off work to get used to your new espresso machine.

    *You consume well over the recomended amount of caffeine in a day because letting your beans go stale is a punishable offence.

    *You skip the tea and coffee isle at the supermarket out of spite.

  7. #7
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    * you watch "Star Wars" with your kids and the 2 year old thinks R2D2 is a coffee machine.
    * a bean roast becomes a standard part of entertaining guests
    * you do the "Status Statistics" app on facebook and find out your most-used word is "coffee"

    ...all sadly true

  8. #8
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    *Literally everything you buy has SOME link back to teh coffee roasting/brewing/drinking process......everything

    *when you get annoyed when your 5 yo son describes the aroma of your coffee grinds as........"a bit rusty"

    *when you get genuinely really annoyed at that wonderful spring breeze that comes in afternoon and disrupts your roasting schedule

    *when you simply wont buy a coffee, unless you pulled the lever!

    and again.....all true! ;)

  9. #9
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    When you visit someones home and they ask if you would like a coffee...and you say NO, unless youve spotted a grinder, an espresso machine AND checked the roast dat on their beans.

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    # When you cannabilise various unrelated appliances so as to roast coffee with them.
    # When you know the market value of secondhand British syphons (and grab a bargain!).
    # When you ruin coffee for your father by gifting him freshly roasted beans.

    All true, that last one was a cracker! Reckons that all other coffee now tastes stale to him...I told him it probably was ;D

    Cheers - boingk

  11. #11
    Coffee+carbon=heaven Mono's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Quote Originally Posted by 7C71777079751E0 link=1255469165/9#9 date=1255490873
    When you ruin coffee for your father by gifting him freshly roasted beans.
    Geez you know how to make yourself popular.............. ::) ;D

  12. #12
    Senior Member Rocky's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Heres another:

    It hits you that you have changed the lives of a whole bunch of previously happy (in their ignorance) Instant coffee drinkers who now suffer from the same affliction as yourself.

  13. #13
    Senior Member GregWormald's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Quote Originally Posted by 6B565A5240390 link=1255469165/11#11 date=1255505490
    Heres another:

    [s]It hits you[/s] You are happy that you have changed the lives of a whole bunch of previously happy (in their ignorance) Instant coffee drinkers who now suffer from the same affliction as yourself.
    A real snob is happy about that--changed above. ;D

    Greg

  14. #14
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Lets see if Im getting the spirit:

    Your coffee grinder costs more than your first car?

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    When youve made both of your parents as picky about coffee as you, even more so since they never used to drink it at all

    And your excuse to the boss for not using the auto machine at work is that youre trying to not have coffee as often...

    Or you were the only person at a previous job to bring in your own plunger, beans and cup, bypassing the full auto coffee that was free

  16. #16
    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    ...you have to beef up your floor so it can support your greens.

    ...your espresso equipment takes up a third of your houses kitchen counter space, in a big kitchen!


    Java "Snob? Who me?!" phile

  17. #17
    Senior Member Luke_G's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    * You give away a perfectly good espresso machine and grinder to a family member because ist a good excuse to spend EVEN MORE money on EVEN MORE espresso gear!

    * When you have no hesitation at all turning down a coffee at a friends house before they finish the sentence.

    * When the first thing family members say when they come for a visit is..will you be making us coffee?

    * When you set aside a percentage of your pay totally devoted to coffee and coffee related accessories.

    *When you count coffee beans to get to sleep.

  18. #18
    Super Moderator scoota_gal's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    I think I might have a good one...

    You know youre a coffee snob when...

    You get a paid full time job as a barista so you can change the whole towns idea of what is a great coffee!

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    You are genuinely stunned when the geeky looking kid behind the coffee machine actually produces a long black worth drinking. -Doesnt happen near often enough.

  20. #20
    Senior Member caffeol's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...


    -You have an alarm on your phone called Bean Bay
    -Your teenage daughter regularly says Dad you are such a coffee snob
    -You can draw the caffeine molecule from memory or quote its molecular weight (194.19)
    -You check the Coffee snobs site before you check the news or your email

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    When you realise you spend more time thinking about coffee than sex!

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Youre scratching around the house looking for things to sell because you simply must have that new tamper

    You do a little happy-dance when your BeanBay order arrives at work.... and everyone you work with knows your dance

    People at work will hold off having coffee until youre ready to have one yourself because no-one can texture milk like you can.


  23. #23
    Senior Member simonsk8r's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    *when you seem to find coffee grounds everywhere, and i mean EVERYWHERE!!! (really dunno how they got in the bathroom...)

    *you get really frustrated when youre making a coffee (trying to get it perfect) and people are constantly in your way, even though they have every right to make their lunch! I had a laugh :D

    *you smell your coffee as much as you drink it (or is that just me? :S)

    *you take pictures of the coffees that you make to note your progress in latte art :D

  24. #24
    Senior Member simonsk8r's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    oh and:

    *your girlfriend seems to think that youre more in love with coffee than her, and will ask if she should leave the room to give me a moment alone with it :P

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    When visiting a friends place they stammer and say "well we dont really have any coffee you would like" and you smile and say "Just tea will be fine".

  26. #26
    Senior Member flynnaus's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Quote Originally Posted by 717F727D6A7C7D130 link=1255469165/24#24 date=1257831008
    "well we dont really have any coffee you would like" and you smile and say "Just tea will be fine"
    I was thinking more:

    You know youre a CoffeeSnob when your friends know to make you tea instead of their coffee (unless you friend is also a CoffeeSnob)

    Some might argue that proper CSers dont drink tea.

    If there is prize for this, I think Javaphile has it so far

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Your relationship is going down the gurgler but you decide to stay together for the sake of the coffee machine.

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    A_M
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Quote Originally Posted by 262A2323202029303631450 link=1255469165/26#26 date=1257834523
    Your relationship is going down the gurgler but you decide to stay together for the sake of the coffee machine.
    giggled like a schoolgirl... Oh I like this one ;)

  29. #29
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    When every single thing you look at with the thought......i could use that for.....my roaster!, or you pop into lifeline purely to see if you happen to stumble upon some crystal espresso cups, today i was on the road and found myself driving along, head darting around looking at the junk along a street for curbside pickup, looking for a little table for my new cooling system 8-)

  30. #30
    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    ...half of the employees of a Walmart sized hardware store know you as "That Coffee Guy!" and half your time there is explaining/discussing some aspect of coffe. ::) ;D


    Java "The projects almost done!" phile

  31. #31
    Senior Member Rocky's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Other staff appear and linger in the general vicinity of your office at morning-tea time in case you might be thinking about making coffee.

    I vote for Luwaks. Cracked me up.

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    When looking for a rental property, you must have an outdoor area to roast coffee, and a kitchen large enough to house all your coffee gear... *::)

    AND/

    When organising a holiday, you spend most your time looking for decent coffee shops in the area, and questioning wether you should buy an aeropress and a hand grinder just in case... :-/

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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    ...When once upon a time, when life was simpler, your wildest dream was:
    Drinking a ristretto coming straight out of a naked group handle on a PIDd-Rancilio Silvia with perfectly rested, PIDd Corretto-roasted, Coffee Snob bought Yemen beans.

    ...Then you moved far far away (namely, Italian Switzerland), and were distracted by other worldly pursuits:
    Music, girls, food, sex, and strange spiritual realms

    ...And then after having given away your once prized popcorn machine, and reaching a point of disillusionment, realised what was most important in life, and went back home (namely, Australia)
    :) And started roasting again :)

  34. #34
    Senior Member simonsk8r's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    :(*tears* :(

    what a.... BEAUTIFUL story.... :( :D

  35. #35
    Senior Member Dennis's Avatar
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...


    You grind some coffee as fine as flour so that you can sprinkle coffee on your coffee. ::)


  36. #36
    A_M
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Quote Originally Posted by 0C2D2626213B480 link=1255469165/34#34 date=1258621348
    You grind some coffee as fine as flour so that you can sprinkle coffee on your coffee. *::)
    You have given me an idea...


    I could fluff out the choc sprinkle with some coffee ;D

  37. #37
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    Re: You know you are a coffee snob when (FUN)...

    Behmor Brazen - $249 - Free Freight
    Your postie knows to put your packages in the shade just in case its coffee.



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