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Thread: You know youre a coffee snob when....

  1. #1
    Senior Member robusto's Avatar
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    You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Gene Cafe Coffee Roaster $850 - Free Beans Free Freight
    What qualities set the 400+ members of this fine organisation apart from the rabble?
    A few off the top:

    You know youre a coffee snob when:-

    ...your date invites you up for a coffee and you bring your own

    ...youre asked "how do you like your coffee?" -- and you reply ristretto macchiato

    ---your worst fear about Hurricane Katrina isnt the death toll, but how its affected the coffee harvest

    ---You spend more time researching coffee bean futures than those Telstra shares

    Over to you...


  2. #2
    JR
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    ... When your friends think your new girlfriends name is Silvia.

  3. #3
    CoffeeSnobs Owner Andy's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    ...when you look at installing automatic doors on the front of your house because of the "high foot traffic" when all your friends and family discover you make the best coffee in town.



  4. #4
    JR
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    ... When you are trying to roast enough beans for a week and the fire brigade turns up.

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    You inform your wife that the three greatest joys in your life are her, the kids and your Silvia......... but you omit to mention in which order ;D

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    When every small electronic appliance is viewed in relation to its ability to be modified to roast coffee

  7. #7
    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    ...when you wont drive for 3 hours for a visit with a friend because it costs too much, but youll drive all the way accross the country to pick up a roaster.

    ...when you convert the bedroom into a climate controlled bean storage facility.

    Java "Now who would do a thing like that?!" phile

  8. #8
    Senior Member robusto's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    --you judge the coffee quality of a new and untested cafe/bakery by the spelling
    --you gingerly peer into same shop from the road trying to make out the brand of coffee machine
    --you engage the barrista in small talk like "I see you have a 4-group E-61 set at 9 bar"
    --you engage the barrista in small talk like that and--worse--he doesnt know what youre talking about
    ---you find yourself timing the shot in a cafe
    --you ask the barrista to mark a line around the polystyrene cup where the espresso comes up to before the milk is added so you can take it home and measure the quantity
    --your parents reach for the stove-top and you pass
    --your colleagues approaching you are overheard muttering "Just dont mention coffee. Hell bore you witless if you do"
    --your place is a mess except for the kitchen corner shrine where the Silvia is kept
    --you spend $1000 on a built-in barbecue only to end up roasting coffee beans
    exclusively

  9. #9
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    you become a member of coffeesnob.com.au

  10. #10
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Your personalised tamper which you bought yourself for christmas...
    is more romantic than the present you got the missus...

  11. #11
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    When the wait staff ask if they can get you a coffee and add they have all sorts. Your reponse is, OK what blends are on offer and do you have any single origins, only to be met with a long slow blink. >:(

    Boris

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    -- when you insensitively blurt out "but instant isnt coffee"

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    . . . the basis for choosing your new wristwatch is whether or not theres a chronograph function so you can time shots!

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    -your coffee machine is worth more than your car.

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Time to bring out some oldies:

    -You wake up, bleary-eyed from last nights debauchery and fix yourself a bowl of cornflakes. When the haze clears and you look down, the cornflakes are parted into a rosetta from pouring the milk.

    -When you arrive at your favourite cafe the barista takes a seat while you fix him an espresso.

    ... and one that I thought had the winning combination of funny and crude:

    -You wait 6-8 seconds before you begin to pee.

    Cheers,

    Luca

  16. #16
    Super Moderator scoota_gal's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    ...when you go away on holidays, you pack not only your clothes but your Silvia, Rocky and your favourite cups as well as anything else necessary to continue making the good brew...

    (yes, Ive just done this! ;) )

  17. #17
    TC
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Quote Originally Posted by scoota gal link=1128985912/15#15 date=1152785892
    ...when you go away on holidays, you pack not only your clothes but your Silvia, Rocky and your favourite cups as well as anything else necessary to continue making the good brew...

    (yes, Ive just done this! *;) )
    What???!! Doesnt everyone have a Sylvia and Rocky as a car boot weekend coffee solution? 8-)

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Quote Originally Posted by 2muchcoffeeman link=1128985912/15#16 date=1152786221
    What???!! Doesnt everyone have a Sylvia and Rocky as a car boot weekend coffee solution? 8-)
    Nah. When I want a break, I get out the old-school la peppina 8-)


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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Ah, tis a beautiful thing. And PIDd too!

    Rob

  20. #20
    Super Moderator scoota_gal's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Another one for you...

    You know youre a coffee snob when...

    You walk into the roasters to pick up some beans and he points at the coffee machine and says "Quick! Get behind the machine and watch the barista at work!" :D ;D

    or

    You know youre a coffee snob when...

    You avoid certain franchised coffee places like the plague.

    and

    You know youre a coffee snob when...

    Your host is embarrased to offer you instant coffee and you are embarrassed that you are snob enough that you wont drink it.

    (Yep. These are recent experiences! :D)

  21. #21
    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Quote Originally Posted by scoota gal link=1128985912/15#19 date=1153528964
    Your host is embarrased to offer you instant coffee and you are embarrassed that you are snob enough that you wont drink it.
    Or alternatively they dont even bother to offer the instant because they know what the response will be. :o ::) ;D

    Java "Thats my story and Im sticking to it!" phile

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    You know youre a coffee snob when your wife no longer raises an eyebrow when you discuss the virtues of Silvia ;D
    RH

  23. #23
    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Quote Originally Posted by rayzurhed link=1128985912/15#21 date=1154163855
    You know youre a coffee snob when your wife no longer raises an eyebrow when you discuss the virtues of Silvia ;D
    RH
    Or alternatively: You know youre a snob when your wife accepts that youre in a life-long relationship with Silvia and shell just have to live with it! ;D

    Java "Coffee is a demanding Mistress" phile

  24. #24
    Sleep is overrated Thundergod's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    ......you laugh at all the above one liners.

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Or you dont see anything funny in these one liners... :D

  26. #26
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    you start talking, again, about the wonders of roasting your own beans and your partners eyes glaze over and you can see that they are bored sh**less.

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    when you spend every evening for three weeks fixing your newly acquired second hand machine then drill a hole in the kitchen bench for it and fit a twin cartridge filtration system to protect your baby...

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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    You rationally and logically present your partner with an argument to justify spending $14k on a Synesso for home use, on the grounds that you wont have to upgrade again.....soon. *;)

  29. #29
    Senior Member askthecoffeeguy's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    When your wife says to you: *"One of us has got to go... its me or the coffee machine!"

  30. #30
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Your fists tighten every time someone says La Marzocca instead of La Marzocco ;P

    You open your desk drawer to get a pen to write yourself a note to order new shower screens. Theres no pen in sight, but you have a ten-pack of shower screens that you forgot about.

    Cheers,

    Luca

  31. #31
    Senior Member askthecoffeeguy's Avatar
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    You are far from home (and your own espresso machine) and you go to five different cafes in a row, and order the same coffee each time, until you can find one that makes it right!

    You go for a ten day tramp (bush walk) in New Zealand, and you take your cute little stove top espresso maker with you - you turn the knob one way, and out comes steam to foam your milk - then you refill with coffee, and turn the knob the other way, and presto! Instant espresso! (is there such a thing?)

  32. #32
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    Re: You know youre a coffee snob when....

    Behmor Brazen - $249 - Free Freight
    Quote Originally Posted by askthecoffeeguy link=1128985912/30#30 date=1165447476
    You go for a ten day tramp (bush walk) in New Zealand, and you take your cute little stove top espresso maker with you - you turn the knob one way, and out comes steam to foam your milk - then you refill with coffee, and turn the knob the other way, and presto! Instant espresso! (is there such a thing?)
    Indeed, there are such things:



    Or you can do it in style and go for an Atomic ($300 - $800)



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