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Thread: Coffee Dreamers

  1. #1
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    Coffee Dreamers

    Gene Cafe Coffee Roaster $850 - Free Beans Free Freight
    I have a problem. Im willing to own it. Willing to commit to therapy and deal with my problem.
    I am a self-confessed coffee stalker. :o
    I have been found lurking around Harvey Norman (sorry, Hardly Normal) stores, stalking espresso machines. I dont buy. I just look. Weird, huh? I spend more time dreaming about what i havent got than appreciating what i have ***mmm, pause for moment of self-insight***(which is a Gaggia Evolution).
    Am I alone? Or are there other coffee freaks (emphasis on freaks) out there, trying to overcome (or just give in to) their obsessions?
    Why not use this thread to fess up your coffee day-dreams? -- perhaps your Dream Machine if you could afford it; or perhaps you were a stalker once too?


    Ive pasted below my coffee day-dream when I was almost caught stalking a Sunbeam:

    "Well, the story began one ordinary afternoon last July. How extraordinary it was to become I had no idea at that time. The moment I laid eyes on her, I knew here was trouble... the kind of trouble Id been waiting my whole life for.
    She had that look: sleek, stylish, professional. I just knew she would wrap me around her long, slender arm and then we would really steam things up! I started to drift off into a mezmerized trance-like state and dream coffee dreams! I saw myself as a professional barista, knocking out cup after cup of rich tiger-striped crema. At the same time, swinging that elegent, slender steam wand into action! Silky smooth micro-foam and then a quick wipe with the cloth.
    Coming out of my trance, I realised I was standing in a Hardly Normal store. In front of me the EM69-thingy towered over me imposingly. Her sleek, professional lines making the machines around it look like childrens toys with their short, plastic steam wands and non-commercial porta-filters!
    Although hypnotised by her beauty, a niggling voice in the back of my head was whispering something that at first I tried to ignore, but, eventually, I could not: It was a Sunbeam.
    I already owned a Gaggia. What was I doing?!!? A wave of adulterous guilt swept over me! Gaggia need never know. I could have my Sunbeam on the side. I picked up the group handle and felt its substantial weight. I passed my fingers caressingly over its solid metal lugs. I fitted it into the solid-looking group head and twisted: it fit snugly and I knew at that moment that one day -- maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but sooner or later -- I would be unfaithful and wake up to a Sunbeam.

    To this day I have not transgressed, but, as I clean the old milk from my Gaggia plastic (heaven forbid, Im gonna say it...) froth enhancer ***gasp!***, I find myself having impure thoughts involving a long-metal steam wand, a ball-and-socket joint and lots and lots of micro-foam!! "

    Dream on my friends! ;)

  2. #2
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Step away from the shiny machines and hope to goodness your poor old Gaggia cant read your thoughts! Or just give in to temptation. You know you want to. ;)

  3. #3
    CoffeeSnobs Owner Andy's Avatar
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Great post Mean Bean.

    Im sure many members have done the same and continue to do so both in real-live stores and via electronic coffee-porn web sites (which are thinly disguised as manufacturer specification web pages).

    It seems a CSr never owns a machine, they are just stepping stones on the journey to coffee nirvana.

    Let me know when you get there!

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Heres proof.

    I was in Goodguys yesterday picking up a printer. After that was all done and stowed in my car I decided to wonder back in and have a look at the machines on display :) I had a good sticky-beak and a good chuckle at all the crappy autos. Also checked out the 6910 which is what I really wanted to have a look at. Looks good and was surprisingly BIG, much bigger than I had imagined for some reason. Maybe I was used to all the smaller Breville and Sunbeam single thermoblocks.

    Matt

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Quote Originally Posted by mean bean link=1167796560/0#0 date=1167796560
    I am a self-confessed coffee stalker. :o
    I have been found lurking around Harvey Norman (sorry, Hardly Normal) stores, stalking espresso machines. I dont buy. I just look. Weird, huh?
    I secretly film them . . .

    - Rob

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Thank the stars, Im normal after all.....

    Cant help that little gloat knowing that Silvia isnt for sale there. ;)

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    Re: Coffee Porn

    I knew i wasnt the only one!
    Thankyou Andy for not being afraid to call a spade a spade, or as the kids are saying these days, to call a Voldemort a Voldemort. Ahhh, the evolution of our language! -- there should be a law against it!

    What was i saying? Ah yes, thanks for calling it what it is: coffee porn! Those manufacturers websites are so hot! And you dont need a credit card if you know what youre doin.

    Congratulations to Matt and Rob for outing themselves. Everyone else feel free to point and laugh (a la Viviane).

    Now, dear reader, that you know you will be thoroughly made fun of, why dont you out yourself as well. Go on, take the plunger. Its not just coffee stalkers that well be ceremoniously stoning to death here -- we welcome all kinds of weird coffe-related obsessions (as long as no animals are injured).

    So, come on, fess up! Whats your guilty pleasure or crazy obsession?

  8. #8
    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: Coffee Porn

    Somewhere around here theres a link to a high res video of a naked portafilter shot. Pure Coffee Porn!!! ;D ;D ;D


    Java "Now thats sexy!" phile

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    Re: Coffee Porn

    Quote Originally Posted by mean bean link=1167796560/0#6 date=1167872760
    What was i saying? Ah yes, thanks for calling it what it is: coffee porn! Those manufacturers websites are so hot! And you dont need a credit card if you know what youre doin.
    What about this for Silvia Mills & Boon style erotica from the Rancilio website:

    "My wife and I were dining at a friends house when first I saw her. She was lovely then. Destiny, it seems, demanded that I meet her once more ? she was even better. Beautiful. A generous, strong-willed beauty. What was changed in her? How I could resist her? I knew that she must absolutely be mine. That is why, from that moment on, I no longer left matters to fate: the flavor that she left on my lips each time we came together, became my sweet and bitter obsession. My Silvia... a new Silvia: even more sensual, with a professional and self-confident air that lends passion and vigor to her breathtaking form. No, not the usual toy... but an icon without compare. This is why I decided to take her home. At first, my wife was surprised. But today, she, too cannot live without our Silvia. Because Silvia never disappoints. She always satisfies, producing aroma and flavor that please the palate. Thanks to her re-design, she is even more aesthetically appealing, as well, and easier than ever to work with. Such an intense and fragrant espresso only Silvia can create... like being in a café, at home."

    :-[

  10. #10
    Sleep is overrated Thundergod's Avatar
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    I used to carry a picture of my Expobar in my wallet (now its the backgropund on my phone) and tell everyone I had a new HOT, Spanish girlfriend. ;D

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    Re: Coffee Porn

    Quote Originally Posted by mean bean link=1167796560/0#6 date=1167872760
    I knew i wasnt the only one!

    Congratulations to Matt and Rob for outing themselves. Everyone else feel free to point and laugh (a la Viviane).
    mean bean, you misunderstood me - I was confessing, not laughing. Im sure that my local Hardly Normal staff (in a small town) believe that Im trying to figure out how to steal one of their "amazing" espresso machines. They no longer ask if i want help, just watch me carefully from a distance.

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    Re: Coffee Porn

    mean bean, you misunderstood me - I was confessing, not laughing. Im sure that my local Hardly Normal staff (in a small town) believe that Im trying to figure out how to steal one of their "amazing" espresso machines. They no longer ask if i want help, just watch me carefully from a distance.
    Ahhh, now thats my kind of normal! My apologies Viviane, and welcome to the other side of our public stoning! Congratulations on making the HN Security Depts "Most Wanted" list.

  13. #13
    Senior Member askthecoffeeguy's Avatar
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    I think its officially called "espresso envy"

    P

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    you see I dont even OWN an espresso machine and thanks to you guys even I go into "bulky goods stores" and laugh at the crappy itty bitty espresso machines.

    From the sounds of it....Im thinking its a slippery slope....

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    Coffee Dreams Come True!

    It was a Sunbeam. *
    I already owned a Gaggia. What was I doing?!!? A wave of adulterous guilt swept over me! Gaggia need never know. I could have my Sunbeam on the side. I picked up the group handle and felt its substantial weight. I passed my fingers caressingly over its solid metal lugs. I fitted it into the solid-looking group head and twisted: it fit snugly and I knew at that moment that one day -- maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but sooner or later -- I would be unfaithful and wake up to a Sunbeam.
    Well, Ive done it. Ive given in to tempation. *:-[ *Ive got meself a Sunbeam EM6910 !! *;D

    Thanks, Wushoes!
    It arrived this morning and Ive been as excited as a kid on Christmas morning!

    Here it is in its new home...

    [img]
    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1221/586381614_30042e41b9_o.jpg[/img]

    My grinder, too, is very happy with the new member of the family. ;)

  16. #16
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Good stuff MB [smiley=thumbsup.gif],

    The never ending journey has now begun ;D

    Mal.

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    ;D What a hilarious post! Nice one MeanBean ;)

    So, has your new Sunbeam lived up to the sensual ecstasy of your wild, micro-foamed coffee dreams earlier in the year? ;D

    Man, Id love a nice machine like that ::) ... Enjoy it!

    Richy

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers


    Me got flu. No coffee allowed. :( :( :(

    Never has the world known such a tragedy!!!

    Please give. Phone 1300 NO COFFEE
    and do your bit to prevent sick little boys like me from going without caffeine.

    [So, at the MB Household, Miss Sunbeam had to content herself with doing what a well-kept trophy-machine does best: looking gorgeous! Gaggia hasnt spoken to me, since I put her out of the way, on top of the cupboard. ::)]

  19. #19
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Congrats Mean Bean!

    I was going to make a joke about hoping the passion stays alive, now that the Mistress has actually moved in and youre "shacked up" *;D

    but then I thought against it....

    CQ

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    I had a laugh

    I hope you get well soon Mean Bean...and enjoy playing with the sunbeam...it is capable of producing some really awesome espresso....are you up to the job? ;)

    Im glad youre happy with the purchase and wish you many god shots...

    PS: hope the masking tape didnt leave any sticky residue on the machine...its the only way I could keep all the stuff from rattling around! And if you ever screw up your double spout for whatever reason ::) theres a spare on in there too! :P

  21. #21
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    ....are you up to the job?
    ***drags himself up on one elbow*** *

    Them sounds like fightn words! *

    ***cough, splutter***

    Just wait til Im better!

    ***hack, gag, wheeeeeeeeeze!***

    Ill show you whos up to the job!

    And if you ever screw up your double spout for whatever reason...
    ***Cough, hack, wheeeeeze, gag, splutter!!!***

  22. #22
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers


    Well, sick or no sick, I couldnt wait any longer and made my first coffee on the new machine. Came out B-e-a-u-tiful! Tiger stripes in the crema, nice microfoam and tasted sooooo good.

    Made a couple since, and just as impressed!

    Heres a couple of pickies of the very first one (not really attempting art on top, just pouring with a bit of a jiggle)...




  23. #23
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    with practice you can get even better microfoam than that Rohan!

  24. #24
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Well done looks alright to me :) Nothing like a new coffee machine to make you feel better!!

    Sue

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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    I can still remember I first bought my machines on May this year, carrying 2 heavy boxes and things,
    keep laughing for whole night and keep playing in the kitchen till 3am.....

    I reckon selling machine to people like us (such as CSers) could be quite rewarding.....

  26. #26
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    MAN.. Im jelous!! :D

    Me and my mate were so desperate for a brew on the weekend (my old grinder died last week), that we ground coffee by hand in motor and pestle.. HAHA.. Im serious! Took a while, and just BARELY fine enough to use at all - still made an okay drop for a bunch of desperates!

    I have bad coffee dreams too .. all the time.. i open up those websites with those wonderful middle 1900s looking Elektras and almost faint at the sight of their gleaming beauty. mmmmmm shiny... mmm .. .MMMMMMM :o

    Sigh.. now.. Im just a poor coffee hobo, with no grinder at all. sob sob. :(

  27. #27
    Senior Member coastal_coffee's Avatar
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    my 16 y.o. son told me I have an addiction to porn,

    Laughed like crazy and said "life is not all about Bunnings/hardware catalogs and Coffee

    machines and beans."

    Gotta love youth humour!

    Craig

  28. #28
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Ah, its ok ;)... as long as you stay away from the hardcore stuff. You know the sort, those DIRTY naked portafilter extractions - mess with your head they do!! Then those dreams....drinking the coffee straight from the naked portafilter as it extracts!? Waking up in the middle of the night, sweating, lusting for coffee :o :o :o :o. Its the sick, debased path of the espresso head ;D

  29. #29
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    my 16 y.o. son told me I have an addiction to porn,

    Laughed like crazy and said "life is not all about Bunnings/hardware catalogs and Coffee

    machines and beans."

    Gotta love youth humour!
    Humour, Craig? Or is he trying to tell you something? Did I hear someone yell "Intervention!"


    Ah, its ok ... as long as you stay away from the hardcore stuff. You know the sort, those DIRTY naked portafilter extractions - mess with your head they do!! Then those dreams....drinking the coffee straight from the naked portafilter as it extracts!? Waking up in the middle of the night, sweating, lusting for coffee * * . Its the sick, debased path of the espresso head *
    Richy, your shadowy portrait seems very apt!

    And for anyone else lurking out there in dark corners of seedy cafes... heres some of my more recent indulgences:







    and my most recent and most favourite:



    Not bad for a Sunbeam, ay! The more she indulges me, the more I want! And Im getting plenty of practice, too! (Though I could do with a bit more practice, really. Some day, will probably do a coffee course or latte art course, but will prob look around for something that offers individual attention (shows me what Im doing wrong and how to do it better), as I dont really want to sit through a basic course where two thirds of it I feel I already know... "first, they grow the beans, then they pick the cherries"... 2 hrs later... "this is called the c-o-f-f-e-e m-a-c-h-i-n-e, this is the on switch... espresso means..." ****interrupts*** *"Means I gotta get outa this course before I kill someone with a portafilter!"
    Yeah, so, like, I could do with some professional help.
    Of the coffee kind, that is.
    Ill get around to it one day, spose.
    Thanks for indulging my crazy *:o indulgence! *;D

  30. #30
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    Re: Coffee Dreamers

    Behmor Brazen - $249 - Free Freight
    Hi,

    Just wanted to clear up something. The sunbeam course runs for roughly 90min and has 5 learning outcomes-

    identifying fresh coffee for purchase in appropriate packaging
    learning how to store it to maintain optimal flavour
    applying a sound technique for producing espresso
    achieving milk texture for various drinks
    understanding basic machine cleaning and care

    The first 25min is theory and a demonstration of the espresso and milk and then you get about 50min on the machines before finishing off with machine care. You get the most out of it after having made a few coffees on the machine before coming to the course because its at that point where you can ask questions of the coffee trainers to help smooth out and improve your technique. There is usually a ratio of 1 trainer to about 5 trainees. The course was written from a workplace training and assessment perspective so we identify the result, demonstrate it, get you to do it and check for understanding.

    (disclosure: Im contracted to provide the sunbeam coffee training in Brisbane.)



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