Well, thats the last time I buy Kopi Luwak!
But seriously, im sure we have all been there. i know i have my moments, when, looking in dismay around my kitchen after Ive made my morning cup (who is "Joe", anyway?) i realise that the benches that only moments before were pristinely clean, are ten inches deep in coffee grounds, the sink is full of milk jugs and the drip tray is overflowing -- and the dang coffee was overextracted anyway!! Its in these moments that i (i mean, not me, but a friend of mine) may have weakened and reached for the blend 43.
These are known as "anti-coffee moments", or ACMs. To have an occassional acm is quite harmless for the "full-on coffee freak heads", or FOCK Heads, as we are known in the legalised drug trade. But chronic ACMs can lead you down the dangerous path to...***gasp!*** cure! (heaven forbid!!!).
A typical acm, is where you order a regular coffee at a cafe, say a macchiato doppio ristretto, and your partner orders some wusy girly drink, say a strawberry mint frangipani frappe. Your coffee tastes like the blackened, essence of burnt beans (in other words like coffee) and your partners drink tastes like a tropical holiday with a free massage included!
Yet, you order another coffee! You are addicted, my friend, and just as a cocaine junkys house is covered in white powder, yours is destined to be knee-deep in coffee grounds. You could seek help for your addiction, or hire a cleaner.
Fortunately we still live in a society where our kind are not shunned. We dont have to skulk down sleazy alleyways to buy our beans off the one-eyed chinaman with the diamond bling. We dont have to because he owns a stree-front cafe in Paddington and his eye-patch has a Gucci label.
So next time youre sitting in a caf, sipping your cap from a cup and pouring over the daily spews -- which typically has a headline urging us to get tough with drug addicts and throw away the key -- just pause and soak up the irony. Tip: I find cinnamon swirls just perfect for dunking and absorbing irony.
This has been a community announcement brought to you by the Anti-Coffee Liberation Front