Thread: Death of 3rd wave coffee

If my barista doesn't have tattoos and a beard what sort of quality guarantee do I have?

Sour coffee and milk does not make for a pleasant experience.

Originally Posted by trentski

If my barista doesn't have tattoos and a beard what sort of quality guarantee do I have?

Sour coffee and milk does not make for a pleasant experience.

I thought it was the hat that enabled you to pick a good barrister.DSC_07691.jpg

Surely it's the apron...!

Yep. Who had the great idea to standardise a uniform whereby you can only brew coffee if you look like you are dressed for welding a boat in drydock?

Bet this one brews a fine drop of warm lemon juice:

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/i...ggiiHdVAhPLs2s

Originally Posted by K_Bean_Coffee

Nope - the beard is more important than the hat IMHO.

Soooo, if ya find a barista with all three, hat, beard and tattoo your on a sure thing, Right?

Thank god I wear a hat at home and I have a beard but I don't have tattoos so am I able to make espresso at home??? :-0

Get a leather apron. Still iffy though you really need a tattoo or three

Bugger, have the leather apron (welding type)

But do you have all those, plus piercings...

That's the be-all, end-all...

Mal.

No piecing either BUT I have had my beard since before they were cool

I hear ya, and support you. I like comfort coffee , call me old fashioned but dark, rich, chocolate , caramel and cocoa flavour are what I look for!

oh, the sign of a good barista is one that wipes the bench down with the same cloth they clean the steam nozzle and portafilter basket with!!!! Deeeeelicious!!!! I see it all the time !

Originally Posted by Enthusiast

the sign of a good barista is one that wipes the bench down with the same cloth they clean the steam nozzle and portafilter basket with!!!! Deeeeelicious!!!! I see it all the time !

This is important, sure, but I tend to also find comfort and reassurance in seeing 300 1kg bags of beans meticulously stacked like a trench along the Western Front. A cafe that goes to the trouble of keeping this amount of coffee at hand understands its customers' needs.

As much as I agree about the importance of a ZZ Top beard, sleeve tattoos, and a pork pie hat in delivering coffee, I wonder also about the subtle alchemy of a number of other critically important factors. The cafe must have a one word title, picked to create an intriguing sense of ambiguity: "Tender", "Muse", "Fridge" or "Cereal". The space must have exposed red bricks and Edison filament light bulbs. I'm also close to publishing a groundbreaking paper in the academic literature in relation to the new influence of New York subway tiles on cafe-based espresso production.

I'm sure that wooden boxes affixed to the walls in order to display various objects and ephemera are important: vintage toys, vinyl records, coffee-making equipment, box brownie cameras. Suspending things from the ceiling takes the aesthetic to another level of sophistication; Cafe de Flore like wooden chairs should be the ultimate goal.

Food wherever possible should be served on a wooden plank, even if it means that it is impossible to eat the cheeseburger and fries. Menus printed on distressed paper and presented on clipboards are, of course, absolutely required. The importance of language cannot be underestimated; we all know that everything should be "artisan". But the artfully ironic is where it's really happening: "a hen's egg" or "farm milk". Music ties the the whole thing together from my experience. It should be played loud enough to prevent interaction and be of a type that studies have shown fewer than 1 in 5310 people actually like.

Of course I could go on, but I've attempted to point out that it's overly limited to just consider the interaction between beard and tat; it's a much more complex and nuanced affair.

Originally Posted by ScottyF

This is important, sure, but I tend to also find comfort and reassurance in seeing 300 1kg bags of beans meticulously stacked like a trench along the Western Front. A cafe that goes to the trouble of keeping this amount of coffee at hand understands its customers' needs.

As much as I agree about the importance of a ZZ Top beard, sleeve tattoos, and a pork pie hat in delivering coffee, I wonder also about the subtle alchemy of a number of other critically important factors. The cafe must have a one word title, picked to create an intriguing sense of ambiguity: "Tender", "Muse", "Fridge" or "Cereal". The space must have exposed red bricks and Edison filament light bulbs. I'm also close to publishing a groundbreaking paper in the academic literature in relation to the new influence of New York subway tiles on cafe-based espresso production.

I'm sure that wooden boxes affixed to the walls in order to display various objects and ephemera are important: vintage toys, vinyl records, coffee-making equipment, box brownie cameras. Suspending things from the ceiling takes things to another level of sophistication; Cafe de Flore like wooden chairs should be the ultimate goal.

Food wherever possible should be served on a wooden plank, even if it means that it is impossible to eat the cheeseburger and fries. Menus printed on distressed paper and presented on clipboards are, of course, absolutely required. The importance of language cannot be underestimated; we all know that everything should be "artisan". But the artfully ironic is where it's really happening: "a hen's egg" or "farm milk". Music ties the the whole thing together from my experience. It should be played loud enough to prevent interaction and be of a type that studies have shown fewer than 1 in 5310 people actually like.

Of course I could go on, but I've attempted to point out that it's overly limited to just consider the interaction between beard and tat; it's a much more complex and nuanced affair.

Wish there was a like x 1000 button 😂

Did anyone see that satirical piece that was written a couple of years ago explaining a certain US specialty coffee shop's disdain for the uneducated customer? It described their effort to ensure that lines for takeaway coffee grew longer and moved slower to allow sufficient time to either educate these customers or eliminate them if they were too resistant. It went on to say that their next step was the ultimate which was to remove the customer altogether. It was quite good, certainly had parallels to what is being discussed here.

..and lets not forget the 'too cool for this life...and way too cool to be serving your coffee' attitudes

Somebody needs to save you guys from yourselves!! :-D

Originally Posted by LeroyC

It went on to say that their next step was the ultimate which was to remove the customer altogether .

Leroy, you say this like it's a problem!

I was in Di Bartoli's shop today. A chap came in off the street and produced a 1kg bag of supermarket beans, which he asked Renzo to grind to espresso for him. The grinder did its thing for a few minutes. I sat savouring an Australian Basalt flat white while noting that not the even the slightest hint of coffee aroma was being emitted by the grinder. I estimated that the beans were roasted in the year that I sat the Higher School Certificate (1990). At the end of the grind, a quick trip to the heat sealer, and the exchange of a nominal service fee, the chap then squeezed the bag and put his nose to the one way valve. He then smiled the smile of man most pleased with himself.

I would have banned the bloke from setting foot in the shop ever again, but Renzo being decent said that he didn't mind making the guy happy. It's just a shame that the poor guy doesn't know what happiness is.

Originally Posted by ScottyF

Leroy, you say this like it's a problem!

I was in Di Bartoli's shop today. A chap came in off the street and produced a 1kg bag of supermarket beans, which he asked Renzo to grind the beans to espresso for him. The grinder did its thing for a few minutes. I sat savouring an Australian Basalt flat white while noting that not the even the slightest hint of coffee aroma was being emitted by the grinder. I estimated that the beans were roasted in the year that I sat the Higher School Certificate (1990). At the end of the grind, a quick trip to the heat sealer, and the exchange of a nominal service fee, the chap then squeezed the bag and put his nose to the one way valve. He then smiled the smile of man most pleased with himself.

I would have banned the bloke setting foot in the shop ever again, but Renzo being decent said that he didn't mind making the guy happy. It's just a shame that the poor guy doesn't know what happiness is.

You can fix most things, but you can't fix stupid. Sounds like Renzo may have tried and failed with this guy in the past, so now he just smiles and provides good customer service. The customer may not always be right, but there's no harm in giving them what they want if it's possible.

Originally Posted by LeroyC

You can fix most things, but you can't fix stupid. Sounds like Renzo may have tried and failed with this guy in the past, so now he just smiles and provides good customer service. The customer may not always be right, but there's no harm in giving them what they want if it's possible.

Sounds like side by side cups are required (or a $20/kg) grind fee...

Renzo is way more diplomatic than I am!

Originally Posted by Talk_Coffee

Sounds like side by side cups are required (or a $20/kg) grind fee...

Renzo is way more diplomatic than I am!

It did my head in. He walks in off the street into a shrine of all things coffee, with the air thick with the heady aroma of ground coffee and, let's not forget, a commercial roaster sitting unobtrusively in the front window of the shop, and he offers his bag of supermarket beans for processing. The bag was handled with all the care of a newborn baby.

I might have sold him a Mazzer, Fausto or T64 and wished him all the best, but I wouldn't have ground his Vittoria for him. For the record the fee charged for this sacrilegious act was very reasonable and Renzo advised me the fee was set to recognise the man's budget.

Good guys do still exist in this world; in this case a happy chappie Peruvian called Renzo.

I hope Renzo charged a grinder cleaning and hazardous retention disposal fee.

Originally Posted by simonko

I hope Renzo charged a grinder cleaning and hazardous rentention disposal fee.

I took the liberty of calling in Hazmat and making a notification to WorkCover NSW as I proceeded at speed down Oxford Street.