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Thread: A secret message in my coffee

  1. #1
    Senior Member Yelta's Avatar
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    A secret message in my coffee

    Gene Cafe Coffee Roaster $850 - Free Beans Free Freight
    The article below is from this mornings SMH, pasted the text because some are unable to access the Herald.
    https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lif...23-p50t46.html

    Wonder what others think, is there is anything in the article or simply another piece of tabloid click bait?
    Penis art.jpg

    Perhaps some of the barista's among us would care to comment.

    "If you're a caffeine fiend like me, you'll be accustomed to strange shapes appearing in your morning cappuccino foam, crafted with love by your local barista.


    Over the years, Sydney's baristas have crafted unicorns into my cappuccinos. Hearts. Swans. Leaves. Constellations. Foam beasts too beautiful for this world.
    Did I really want to risk the embarrassment of accusing the barista of cultural barbarism?


    And now we can possibly add "penises" to the list.
    In truth, male members have been appearing in coffees around the world for a few years now. There is an entire Instagram account devoted to "dick latte art", whose images are startling in their graphic nature and the creator's skill. There's even been a penis latte art competition in Paris.
    Tapping into the zeitgeist, Amy Schumer made fun of phallic "latte flirting" during a Comedy Central skit (although in her cautionary tale, the image of a foam engagement ring is seemingly more terrifying than that of a foam phallus).
    So perhaps it is no surprise that the trend finally reached Sydney … and my own coffee cup. Recently, my barista drew what appeared to be a male member in my cappuccino. My friends and I glanced at the cup as we sat in a trendy Sydney cafe.
    When the waitress left, we all leaned in for a closer inspection.
    "Is that?" I began. "No, it can't be."
    Yes, it is, claimed the table as one. "It's not a heart gone wrong?"
    I argued. "Look how busy the staff are. Maybe they tried to create a heart as big as Phar Lap's."
    "That's no heart," argued Jack.
    "Look. It's not just the shaft. It has the … um … other equipment, too."
    "The pillar and the stones, as Daenerys Targaryen says on Game of Thrones," I said.
    "It's even tumescent, with only a slight hang to the left," said Bill. "That's a one-eyed monster all right."
    The size, the shape, the detail, the contrast to the surrounding foam … all the evidence pointed in one direction.
    This was a penis
    Now we had established what it was, we had to consider motive.
    Was this a random event – or deliberate? "It's the infinite monkey theorem," I said. "Leave enough monkeys alone at keyboards for long enough and by pure probability one of them will eventually bash out Hamlet."
    "So," argued Jeremy, "of the millions – nay, billions – of cappuccinos made worldwide, at least one of them will be topped by a foam phallus."
    "Correct," I argued.
    That was the charitable explanation. The other explanation was far more sinister. That I had been deliberately targeted. I was the only cappuccino man at the table full of flat whites, cold drips and triple espressos.
    The staff knew me. They knew my habits. They knew this was my coffee. If I was indeed deliberately targeted, how had I earned the cafe's wrath? Was the barista trying to imply that I was a poor tipper? Did I have a habit of failing to make eye contact with the wait staff? Were "please" and "thank you" absent from my vocabulary? Was I perceived as some kind of inner-city wanker who barely gave a second thought for the hard-working baristas slaving over the steam?
    Or perhaps I hadn't been singled out. Perhaps I was merely the victim of a random joke, perpetrated by a frustrated employee. Perhaps anyone could have ended up with that frothy John Thomas.
    The cappuccino remained undrunk on the table.
    "Go on, complain," whispered Jack. "Say something!"
    "DO IT!" chorused my mates. The Five Angry Men at my table had already tried and convicted the barista. Would I go along? Or would I be the lone voice of conscience that ultimately sways the guilty verdict? I stopped and considered the evidence for a moment.
    I raised the cup. I raised my other hand to flag down a waitress. But then I lowered it. Because a good cafe is hard to find. Did I really want to risk the embarrassment of accusing the barista of cultural barbarism? What if it had all been an innocent mistake?
    I couldn't be sure. In legal terms, in the court of cappuccino opinion, we had a case of "probable doubt".
    Twelve men and women would never convict my barista on all the available evidence. And neither could I."
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    Senior Member Rocky's Avatar
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    Definitely a Barista with too much time on their hands, or maybe their hands on....

    As someone who has never got into latte art I admire anyone who can create any sort of image in a coffee.
    If the 'image' created was suggestive of mal-intent I would be a bit worried about what was lurking below the crema.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Yelta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky View Post
    If the 'image' created was suggestive of mal-intent I would be a bit worried about what was lurking below the crema.
    Steady on Rocky, not sure how our good mate Dimal will interpret that.
    Dimal, topshot and magnafunk like this.

  4. #4
    OCD
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    It's obvious, you have a secret admirer. Must be the cowboy hat and handlebar moustache.

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    So this is top news in the paper?
    I’m surprised they couldn’t find anything else more important to write about, but I stopped reading the paper so I wouldn’t know.

    As a barista who competes in smackdowns, this pour you need to know as it appears on the wheel sometimes.
    It usually gets lots of social media coverage too which is good for marketing. Like here and this thread.
    Last edited by Ronin; 28th January 2019 at 08:51 AM.

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    Senior Member woodhouse's Avatar
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    i would only do that for someone with whom iím very familiar.
    Ronin likes this.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Yelta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodhouse View Post
    i would only do that for someone with whom iím very familiar.
    Or perhaps hope to become very familiar with sometime in the future.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Rocky's Avatar
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    Would only work for the "Tinder set" - Baby Boomers would have a heart attack.

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    I would feel rather conflicted as well if this found its way into my cup.
    Strange use of creativity and talent.

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    I considered the situation for each of male and female genitalia presented as latte art to each of men and women, without invitation (say, don't try it as a doodle passed along in your next office meeting).

    It does not work as anything. Life includes sex (fortunately) but this was at best lousy judgement in any context. Had you complained then the results would have been unpredictable; anywhere from no reaction to the barista looking for a new job.

  11. #11
    OCD
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    Behmor Brazen - $249 - Free Freight
    Lots of speculation as to the barista's intent.
    What about just asking the barista directly. Might have been an anomaly - remember the Mother Teresa bun. If it was a clumsy attempt at seduction, a respectful expression of interest or disinterest should put an end to it - with no bruised egos.

    Ps always thought it unfair that if someone you fancy puts the hard word on you, hallelujah. If it's someone you don't fancy, it's sexual harassment.



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