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Thread: Cafes: what makes you head for the exit without ordering?

  1. #51
    Senior Member robusto's Avatar
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    Gene Cafe Coffee Roaster $850 - Free Beans Free Freight
    $1000 for a T-shirt, jeans and casual shoes (no socks)? Ah, I get it. You are being funny/sarcastic, right? Whew!

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bosco_Lever View Post
    I don't know about these comments of dirty surroundings, the local council inspector would shut down any sub par establishment pretty quickly.
    Most establishments have decent gear and are clean. Some of the best are very busy and thriving, so noise and atmosphere is a must.

    Equipment is usually of a high standard, so the only way to judge the cafe, is to judge the barista.

    If they don't have any visible tattoos, then I will not enter the premises. The more the merrier these days. It seems to be a badge of honour, and is a dead giveaway.

    The other tell, is the code of dress of the barista. If they are not wearing the latest, trendiest designer t-shirt, then they are no good. Their outfit has to cost at least $1000, to signify their worth.
    If they are clean cut and wholesome, with ironed clothes, then they are beginners, and the coffee will be lousy.

    If the barista has no soul or vibe, how can they possibly relate to what is in the cup?
    Funniest post I have read in ages!

  3. #53
    Senior Member Yelta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bosco View Post
    Funniest post I have read in ages!
    Is it!

  4. #54
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    Well, I thought it was funny...
    Taking the piss out of hipster 'baristas' and the state of an industry that currently values image over substance is humorous.
    Perhaps it is my skewed view, from many years working in and around hospo and seeing the evolution of coffee over that time, that makes this hilarious for me

  5. #55
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    Snobbish owners = they talk down at you like they're doing you a favour
    Disgruntled/angry staff = they serve you a mug of attitude
    Dirty little corner = some cafes misinterpret the entire "vintage" theme as not needing to wipe the place down
    Under extracted sour coffee = I like my long blacks just right

    One other little thing would be newish staff who's clueless and never take your order properly, I can almost predict when I will be getting something left out from my order

  6. #56
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    Another thing I have noticed - some "younguns" have a knack with getting the beans to dance (95% don't, just like oldies like me).

    The two best recent cuppas were made by
    1) A (female) high school student at Nannup - heading to uni in 2021 if all goes to plan
    2) A (female) uni student at Perth concert hall

    In the interests of fairness, the same two venues also made some of the worst coffees when a different (female) staff member "had a go", so gender does not seem to be entirely relevant.

    Oh, and I have never even managed to obtain even a mediocre cuppa from a tattooed male, only female ones - a small sample, so that may be sheer (bad) luck.

  7. #57
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    The growl of badly textured milk...
    BangalowBarista likes this.

  8. #58
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    The one thing that really makes me turn around quickly is the barista throwing a milk jug under a steam wand and leaving it there while they do other stuff/chat and you can hear it screaming away and just getting scalded to death.

    If I'm being snobby... if I order a macchiato and they ask if I want it topped up...

  9. #59
    Senior Member Rocky's Avatar
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    Behmor Brazen - $249 - Free Freight
    Quote Originally Posted by SilentBoB View Post
    If I'm being snobby... if I order a macchiato and they ask if I want it topped up...
    If I'm feeling difficult... I ask "Top it up with what?"
    Then when they look stunned and say "Er...milk" I say "Oh, you mean a Flat White?"



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