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Thread: A little espresso humour

  1. #1
    JM
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    A little espresso humour

    Gene Cafe Coffee Roaster $850 - Free Beans Free Freight
    I originally wrote this in the “Run a mile thread” – as the discussion seemed to have a serious tone and I thought it was time for a laugh, but didn’t see any creative contributions so thought I would re-post as a new topic. Seeking your contributions in the same vein…


    You should run a mile from a café when…

    The sign on the café window says, "As seen on A Current Affair."

    The café is called, “It might be Coffee”

    The café is in Snowtown

    The café is in France *
    (C’mon you know it’s true – France might have good food, but the espresso is crap)

    They sell a hot beverage that comes with a warning that says the beverage may be hot

    They have a sign that says, “To beat the drought, we fill the espresso machine with drips from the air-con overflow”

    The barista looks suspiciously like Dr Kevorkian

    Your cell mate suggests you might like to try a long black *

    The café owner uses down-time on the Roaster to dry his laundry

    The café specializes in syrups, sprinkles and other add-on products

    They grind their coffee beans by mouth

    Your latte art consists of a swastika

    The barista says, “You want fries with that?”


  2. #2
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    Re: A little espresso humour

    Hmmmm...seems like Ive been to most of those places. Brrrrrrr.

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    Re: A little espresso humour

    Quote Originally Posted by JM link=1128120361/0#0 date=1128120360
    ...
    They grind their coffee beans by mouth
    ...
    Or they grind coffee by the month ... which is what I thought you wrote!

    When the sign in the window says anything like:

    "Expresso Coffee, Muggachino"

    "Best Expresso in Town"

    or anything like that.

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    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: A little espresso humour

    ...When the Roasted On date is before your kid was born.

    ...When the waitron cant tell you what the coffee is, even after looking.

    ...When the sign in the window says Expreso, made fresh daily!

    Java "Mottos aint Us." phile

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    Re: A little espresso humour

    When a cappucino comes in three different sizes.

    Any cafe serving something called a Grande.

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    Re: A little espresso humour

    I dont know if this has been mentioned already.... (from Overlander forum):

    COFFEE MACHINE

    1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
    2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
    3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
    4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
    5. CLICK ON "APRI"


    ENJOY! Dont forget to click on "APRI" !!!


    http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf

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    Re: A little espresso humour

    now, if I see mug-of-chino on a menu board I optimistically assume the business owner has a sense of humour but when the alternative to that becomes a cup-of-chino I hold little hope for humanity.

    Luke

    P.S. Ill also laugh at anything that has a monkey in it. Can anyone translate "Apri" for me, does it mean Civet Monkey?

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    Re: A little espresso humour

    Its Italian for open I believe.

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    Re: A little espresso humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Wired link=1128120361/0#4 date=1128156088
    When a cappucino comes in three different sizes.

    Any cafe serving something called a Grande.
    I dunno if anyone here has watched the TV programme "NCIS" - the takeaway coffee comes in milkshake-sized containers.

    Ron

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    Super Moderator Javaphile's Avatar
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    Re: A little espresso humour

    Quote Originally Posted by p38arover link=1128120361/0#8 date=1129425331
    I dunno if anyone here has watched the TV programme "NCIS" - the takeaway coffee comes in milkshake-sized containers.

    Ron
    When I was out in the Seattle area a few years ago I went to an espresso drive through that was a little 1.5m x 2m hut in a parking lot that a friend referred me to as having really good lattes. This was at the peak of the Seattle Coffee Culture (Uuumm....Yeah....Okay...) and I had been in the Pacific Northwest area now for 2 weeks and had *yet to have a good espresso/latte/cappiccino. Everybody served multiple sizes and this place was no exception.. The price for the large latte was $4.50 which I thought was a bit pricey but it it was as good as my friend claimed then itd be worth it, so I ordered one. After what seemed like an eternity of brewing and steaming sounds Im suddenly presented with this container that had enough espresso to jump start half the city it seemed like!

    This thing was HUGE! It bore as much resemblence to a cup as King Kong does to a spider monkey! I was going to need a forklift or at least a handtruck to haul this monstrosity around with me!

    I stood there in awe and amazement gaping at this skyscraper in front of me and finally managed to pull my jaw up off the ground long enough to ask the lady how many shots of espresso were in it to which she calmly replied That size has 8 in it. EIGHT?!?! Dear God what have I gotten myself into!?!

    I bravely reach for this drum of caffeine and as I do I hear I just finished making some whipped cream, would you like some on there? Now Im a sucker for real whipped cream and will eat it on just about anything and so I manage to numbly nod my head and watch in wonder as this gal calmly scoops up and deposits this mountain of whipped cream onto the steaming caldron of latte in front of me, bulging out over the top of it like a cloud sitting atop Mt. Everest.

    I somehow manage to get my hands around the cardboard insulation wraps on this leviathan latte and mumble my thanks as I stumble off with my back bowed under its mass to find a place to sit down and rest this monster on before I pull a muscle trying to carry it around.

    To make a long story shorter instead of hoping from one espresso cafe to the next in my walking tour of the area I ended up drinking this one latte all day. When I finally finished it hours later I turned the cop over to see how big it was, and there it was for all the world to see "40 oz Capacity". Egads!

    This was far and away the biggest espresso based drink Ive ever seen. And ya know what? It was also far and away the best one I had out there!! As well as being the best value Ive ever gotten anywhere! But 40 ozs of latte? Eeek!

    Java "Likes it big but 40 oz?!" phile

  11. #11
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    Re: A little espresso humour

    Egads! ;D

    40 US fluid oz - a tad more than 2 Imperial pints in our old language, or 2-1/2 US pints, or nearly 1.2 litres!

    A great deal (both volumetrically and financially)!

    Ron

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    Re: A little espresso humour

    Behmor Brazen - $249 - Free Freight
    You wouldnt want the usual 2 - 4 espressos or lattes a day there.

    They must breed em big n greedy in Seattle. Did you notice if every second boy-mountain is called Bubba?




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