Soy milk Im cool with - until the Coffee-Masons that secretly control the government eliminate lactose-intolerance through eugenics, Im happy for people to order the stuff.
Decaf... well, really its like buying a car and specifically requesting that they take the wheels off first, isnt it?
And dont get me started on skim...
...Well if you insist - It ruins the taste of the drink, it holds its microfoam poorly, and really - the 3.8% fat of whole milk really isnt that much - the human body can handle it dammit! If youre reduced to counting calories and how much fat you eat and drink you dont deserve to have your bloody coffee. It really isnt that hard to stay healthy without a damn calculator. And whats that? you want a #$%&ing slice of cake with your skim latte?? NO! WE DONT SERVE IDIOTS - GET LOST!
As you can see, Im a people-person.